a little bit of fiction for a thursday afternoon...

I'm working out some issues with this story...so, i started writing sort of a twitter/blog for one of the characters...

Would love some honest feedback on the writing and the idea. Some of you might know what this is...i've been talking about this story for a few years. Since I first heard it. more to come...
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Day 1

I’m calling this Day 1, because it’s the first day after the accident…

I woke up in this really strange place…humans seemingly everywhere. Strange lights. I was sore and tired. We were inside. I couldn’t smell the water. I’d been hit by a boy on a bicycle once …but this time when I saw the lights, I knew that Felicia and I had been in bigger trouble than ever before….now here I am…I can feel that my back is against something cold…my feet are not on the ground. Wow, I am so tired.

I’ve been near humans before. When that boy hit me on his bicycle, he was so gentle. He brought me into his home and gave me some water. I was only stunned. I was just a young bird at the time. That was before I met Felicia…Felicia..where is she? I can’t move my head.

Oh, this sucks.

Maybe if I take a nap…I’ll remember something…

Day 5
Wh….whaaa….Whaaaat happened?

I still don’t know where I am. Humans are everywhere. I can hear some other cranes, but can only see the walls. I can’t smell the water. I miss the smell of the water.

I’m finally standing, instead of being on my back, which is nice. Cranes aren’t supposed to be on their backs, you know. The creator didn’t design us that way.

Let me see if I can stretch…Ouch! Okay, maybe I’m not quite ready for that…

I’m behind a fence. The floor is cold and the food their giving me looks like raccoon poop, but it tastes okay.

What do I remember…let me think.

We were flying toward our winter place. I think we were off track, the wind didn’t smell or feel right. Felicia was really scared. – Felicia where are you? Why aren’t you here with me. I hope they didn’t hurt you.

Oh, no..NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOo!

The humans are looking at me. I must’ve made some kind of noise.

Felicia’s dead…I remember now..when they found me, I had my wing covering her head. She had been breathing right after the accident. I thought if I could keep her head covered she might okay. There was blood everywhere. She rubbed my beak with hers…that was the last thing …

It’s getting dark in here again. I’m so tired.

Day 6
How am I going to live without her..cranes mate for life, you know…this is just terrible. They should’ve left me with her, I can’t live.
I’m so angry. These humans can take their food. I’m not eating anymore..

Day 15
It’s been days since I ate anything and the humans have started to force feed me. It’s a rather undignified experience, I must say.

The put a huge syringe of food down my throat. I wish I could just die.

Day 21
They let me out in the sun today. It was nice to smell the water.

I finally decided that dying is probably not the best thing for me. I miss Felicia, but she’d be mad at me if she knew what I was trying to starve . I miss her.

She’s screeching and hollering from wherever she is that I just need to get up and get a move on. . She was a force, that one. I'll never find another like her...I'm probably too old to find another anyway....

It’s winter where we’re from and I’ve got to find the other cranes..they are probably all at the salt by now. I need to find them, to be near them. You know, even it is just to help my cousins and brothers figure out how to raise their own young. Be an "elder" ... that would be nice..Teach the boys the art of the dance.

Oh, Felicia could dance. It was so beautiful when we were courting. She picked me over Theo because I was a better dancer. He is for sure a better provider and nester than I could ever hope to be, but she liked the way I dance. Amy ended up with him. I wonder if they made it to the salt this year.

We’re close to salt where we are. I can smell it. I hear the other cranes, but can’t see them.
There’s a sparrow here named Jake. Nice enough guy, but he talks so much. I wish he would just leave me alone.

He keeps telling me that the cranes I heard inside weren’t real cranes but that the real cranes aren’t far away and if I could get my flight back, he’d take me to see them.

Uh, oh..there’s a group of green humans coming toware me….I wonder what they want.

They’ve got a HUGE fence with them. Oh no, they are trying to grab me.

Oh, crap. Here we go again.


Day 27.

The humans have locked me in a cage. And they are taking me somewhere. If they let me go on my own, I’ll probably be okay. I just need to find the other cranes.It’s so frustrating not being able to be on your own..waiting for the humans to take care of me..